Journeys

I have a great big list of things that must be done today. I just don’t feel like doing any of them. I ask myself what will happen if I blow them all off and spend the day staring at the tv and doing nothing. I mean I know the world won’t stop spinning if I don’t call Direct TV and straighten out a billing mistake. I know that not cleaning my daughter’s room today won’t lead to catastrophe. On the other hand if I don’t take care of these hum drum tasks they will just keep piling up and my life will become more unmanageable than it already is. So what to do? Finding motivation is like looking for a needle in a haystack. You know it is there inside you somewhere but have no idea how to turn on the switch. I have heard promising yourself a reward can motivate you to do a task that is unpleasant but strangely I can’t even think of a reward that would get my butt moving. The journey through my life these days is filled with challenges and few rewards, so few that I am not even sure what would be pleasurable to me anymore. I am truly struggling these days to find my inner strength. I am struggling to find hope and faith that taking action will lead to positive results because it has been so long since I have had a positive change as a result of anything I have done. So today I will trudge and drag my feet. I will do what I can. Maybe tomorrow my motivation will surface and I will have what I need to want to do something instead of feeling like have to do everything.

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