Journeys

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A basic theory you learn in physics. You learn this theory as early as middle school. Really you know it before then, instinctively. To know hot you must know cold. To know sweet you must know sour. All things in life are relative. So simple really. In searching to escape from depression it seems natural to seek its opposite, happiness. But I have found over the years happiness is impossible to find. It is not in one place, or one person, or one thing. It is a culmination that occurs as a result of a mysterious moment. So I don’t seek happiness anymore. At this point on my journey I am more interested in find peace and balance. Freedom from unhappiness is really what I am looking for these days. The meditations I have been reading and receiving from friends through email these days are all about positive thinking. Believe it and it shall happen. Think it into being. You get the idea. Here is my conflict. This one book I was reading talks about each of us being God. Not a new idea, I’ve read it before in many religious texts. Each school of thought or religion phrases it differently, but as far back as the Greeks it was philosophized that we were all part of a greater whole, or God. So this book I was reading and a bunch of others say as “God” you deserve everything you truly desire. You are special. You are deserving, love yourself, blah, blah, blah. Like I said I have read this kind of  stuff in a million places. It can get a little annoying at times. The problem is this, if it is written in a million places, by people from all different faiths, across all times and all places then maybe just maybe there is some truth in it. I mean think of it like this, these people can’t even agree on what color the sky is, but they all seem to believe in this one simple core idea? The core idea is prayer, faith and belief .The idea is that you deserve to be “happy” because you are a child of God. And the cure? All you have to do is believe and be positive. Be sure that you deserve to be happy and you will be. In the end every self help book, every twelve step group, every shrink, every religious leader they are all selling the same thing, believe it and it will be so. I hate to say it but it seems to be that way. So if it is that easy why aren’t we all walking around ecstatically happy?Inner demons from the past thats why. Everything that I was taught all my life was that I was not worthy. I was not deserving and those tapes are so ingrained in my consciousness I am not sure they can ever be erased. 

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